Focus 30: Day 30

Well, I made it.  My 30-day spiritual “cleanse” is complete.

I feel all full and rosy inside.

It has been a good month–a solid one.  I always operate better with a game plan and intentionally beginning each day–no excuses–with Jesus time has certainly helped me to re-group and to re-prioritize.  Here is some of what I’ve learned:

1. There is never a good excuse to not reserve the best part of my day for my Lord.
2. When I don’t feel His Presence, it isn’t because He has walked away from me.  It is because I have walked away from Him.
3. Taking time to listen to Him every day has a beautiful reward.
4. I still need to work on not over-committing myself.
5. Focus/concentration is a learned behavior.  We get better with practice.
6. No matter who/what/where we are, God has a purpose for us  That purpose is fulfilled only when we make ourselves wholly available to Him.  He will meet us where we are.

Lord, as I wrap up this journey, I want to thank You.  You have blessed me time and time again with Your mercy.  I am humbled by the many second chances You give, and I am overwhelmed by Your willingness to meet me here every morning.  You are a good, good Father.

I want to continue to die to myself and to grow in You.  Please give me the self-control and the vision to do so.  Help me to see You–to search You out–every moment of every day.  Help me to see with Your eyes and to hear with Your heart.  Thank You.

Focus 30: Day 27

My blogging is running a day behind, and that is getting under my skin a bit, but I will continue to plug away.  Since our family’s little getaway last week, I feel like I’ve been hustling to get caught up on all kinds of things.  Combine that with some huge projects that are getting wrapped up this week, and I am doing a bit of a scramble.

I volunteered to head up a fundraiser this fall for my kids’ Bible Bowl team to help fund their way to two summer tournaments (including Nationals in Kissimmee, FL).  One of the moms suggested that we pre-sell pumpkin rolls and another one mentioned Oreo pop bouquets, so the kids sold 166 and 65 respectively.

I am not new to large-scale cooking projects, and I am not new to teaching folks to cook.  This, however, was different for two reasons.  Both of our treats can be a little finicky.  They’re not necessarily difficult, but there are things that can go wrong which will result in a messy final product.  The second big difference was that my labor force was primarily teenagers who may or may not know their way around a kitchen…or enjoy taking orders from some other kid’s mom (or their own!).

I only thought that those would be my two biggest variables.

Our team, comprised of 7 different families and an extremely faithful coach worked around icy roads, partial power outages (that left us with one working oven for the first 6 hours of the day), sharing the kitchen with a very gracious funeral dinner crew, ingredient stortages (oops! my bad!), chocolate-melting woes, other people’s mistakes (and even some of our own), limited space, chocolate in the carpet, a very patient Bible study group, no refrigerator space, pumpkin puree on the floor, piles of dirty dishes, exceptionally long hours, fluctuating numbers of work crew, cream cheese and powdered sugar smeared on virtually every surface, bored younger siblings and me continually telling all of them what to do.

They were amazing!

One of the moms remarked that if she had to be trapped in the above situation, there was not another group of people on the planet with whom she would like to be trapped.  I heartily agree.

Yesterday’s Plans A-Q had to be continually scrapped and re-worked.  Over and over and over again we had to regroup and press on.  And every single parent, teenager, coach and younger sibling did it.  The folks we had to share kitchen space with for the funeral dinner and the Bible study were kind and encouraging and helpful.  I was blessed a thousand times yesterday, and I am so grateful to call those folks my friends.

As we finally turned off the lights and checked to make sure the doors were locked at 10:30 last night, we were all still smiling.  Part of our team was physically hurting by then.  All of us were exhausted.  Some of us had to still drive an hour to get home.  Yet, we were all still smiling.  My team had a choice in how to live the uncomfortable, inconvenient circumstances of our yesterday, and they chose to live them with patience, flexibility and grace.  They were a continual source of encouragement, and I could not help but follow their example.  I saw the Light of Christ in every single one of them, and the warmth of that glow made me want to shine that Light right back.

I once heard a preacher ask, “When you get bumped, what spills out?”  Well, along with all of the cream cheese, powdered sugar, melted chocolate and pumpkin puree that got spilled yesterday, there was a whole lot of Jesus being spilled, too.  And, more than anything, I think that is what I’ll remember.

Focus 30: Day 26

Please forgive me.  This should have been posted yesterday.  A whole lotta time got away from me yesterday!  The good news is that I got supper around the table with my little family and a bit of a date night with my hubby when we went in town to pick out a brand spankin’ new gas range!  It will be delivered the end of the month.  (I think I can!  I think I can!  I think I can!)

As I’ve mentioned, I’m reading through the Gospel of John in the mornings, and I am really enjoying it.  In chapter 13, Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, predicted that one of them would betray Him and then foretold that one of them would deny Him.  As I read through John’s account, my heart ached for my Lord!  The following are some of my thoughts from yesterday’s journal entry:

The Church talks about Your “sacrifice” as though it happened only on the cross, but it really happened every day of Your life.  You had a good thing going in heaven, and You left it–and Your Father–to immerse Yourself in our broken world for more than 30 years.  You were betrayed by the people You loved, denied by the folks You served, disregarded by Your own family and broken-hearted over and over and over.  

To top that all off, You were abandoned–completely abandoned–by Your own Father on the cross.  By taking on the ugliness of our sin, You separated Yourself from Him before death.  I cannot imagine the weight of that–for both of You.  Yet You both chose to endure it on our behalf.

That is a crazy kind of love.

With Thanksgiving a week away, I cannot help but wonder at our depth of gratitude.  Are we really thankful?  If so, for what?  Food?  Family?  A great price on turkey?  Super cute table service?  Black Friday sales?

While Thanksgiving may have been initiated for the more tangible examples of God’s provision, it provides us with a beautiful opportunity to give thanks for the less tangible and often overlooked gifts that we have been given.

Salvation.  The Holy Spirit.  Hope.

These gifts are laid on the table day after day, year after year for each and every one of us.  We get to choose whether we pull up a chair and feast…or continue to stand back and watch.  Every single one of us is invited.  No hoops to jump through. No tricks, no gimmicks.  Jesus just asks that we take a seat and tuck in to what He has to offer.  The food He offers may not be what we’re used to eating, but that’s the beauty of it.  For many of us, it’s time for a change.  We may have even been sitting at this table for years and only barely picking at what He offers.  It’s time to dig in, folks.

You really don’t want to miss dessert!

Focus 30: Day 25

 

God gave us emotions for a reason. He created them and, like everything else He created, they are good.  They have a purpose in our lives.  Emotions supply the initiative for so much of what our hearts are called to do.

If you’re like me, though, they sometimes get the best of you.  I cannot possibly tally the number of times in my life that I have acted completely on my feelings over my good sense.  Most of the time, the results were not pretty.

I came across this thought from Oswald Chambers in my quiet time this morning:

We should battle through our moods, feelings and emotions into absolute devotion to the Lord Jesus.  

In other words, even our emotions need to submit to the will of God.

That’s hard stuff.

It’s a matter of taking our thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ.  I don’t know what recording plays over and over in your ear, but I know that I sometimes struggle with thoughts that just aren’t true–feelings of insignificance, uselessness, ugliness, self-importance and so many more.  The problem with these thoughts is that they aren’t backed up by anything in the Word of God.  When I allow them to linger unchecked in my mind, they seep into my heart and get my emotions all riled up.   The more out-of-balance my feelings get, the less sense my actions make.  I get a little trigger-happy with all of my feelings, and people get hurt.  Relationships become damaged.  The devil gains a foothold.

I have been reminded time and time again that we, as believers, are in a battle for our own peace of mind.  The enemy will do what he can to steal, to kill and to destroy–even if that means using our own emotions against us.

Lord, please free us from the bondage created by the unchecked distortion of our own emotions.  Help us to use them for good things–things that point directly to You.

 

Focus 30: Day 17

During my quiet time this morning, I decided to answer the last two questions that my sweet friend gave me last month.  You can read the answers for Question #1 on Day 6 and Question #2 on Day 9 if you’re interested.

Question #3 is this:

What does doing these things say about me?

In a nutshell, I think it says that I have good intentions but that I tend to lean toward impulsiveness.  I need to be more intentional in where (and when) I invest my resources.

Well, that was an easy one.

The fourth question is not so easy.

Am I neglecting myself (or my family) in any way while trying to keep up with my schedule?

Ay yi yi.

Of course I am neglecting myself and others when I am over-committed.

As to my own neglect, I actually had physical symptoms of stress.  I’ve been in that hole before, and it was a crummy place to be.  I have no idea why, after being out of it for so long, I allowed myself to crawl back in.  I guess I just didn’t think it would be that bad.

And, as to my family, there were several repercussions.  I had trouble focusing on a simple conversation with one of my kids because “the next thing” was continually running through my head.  That’s a problem!  Now that I’m aware of how distracted I was, this is getting better, but it’s requiring a fair amount of intentionality.  (Is that a word?)

Another consequence of over-commitment is dropping the ball and leaving other people in the lurch.  I have done this a lot over the past several months.  There have been times when my family has had to pick up the slack because I have over-extended myself.  I would tell them that “A” was going to happen, and then I’d remember that I’d actually committed to “B” and really needed to see “B” through because so-and-so was counting on me.  (Never mind that my own children were also counting on me!!)  I had to basically choose which commitment to honor, and I sometimes did not honor the one to my kids.  I know from experiences that when we, as parents, fail to do what we say we’re going to do , we are teaching our children that we cannot be trusted.  Lord, please forgive me for this and heal the damage my choices have created.

Some of the things to which I over-committed were commitments I made on the kids’ behalf.  Either it was perceived by me to be a beneficial option or the kids just really, really, really wanted to do it.  Either way, I already know that not everything that is good is truly what is best.  The kids work hard, and I like to reward them with fun/worthwhile opportunities, but those things may not always be in their best interest.  Sometimes, the best thing is just rest.  Sometimes, the most worthwhile option is supper together around the table.  Lord, please forgive me for cluttering our lives with too much stuff and give me wisdom going forward.

I wish I always made the right decisions, but I don’t.  I wish I could undo some of what I’ve done and go back and do some of what I didn’t…but that’s not possible.  Instead, I ask, once again, that God’s grace covers over my mistakes.  And, in this day, Lord, help me to choose better.

 

 

 

Focus 30: Day 12

 

As my friend, Emily, says, “Wowzy ba-dowzy“.

Yeeaaahhh, it’s been one of thoooose days.

I blame it on Day 10’s post on expectations.

I could give you the long, gory details of this day, but I won’t.  I’m not quite comfortable enough to introduce you to today’s particular brand of crazy.

Let me just say that today has hurt.  My neck hurts, my head hurts, my feet hurt and my heart hurts.  I am struggling with feelings of failure, sorrow and uncertainty.  Nothing major has happened–just life lived among imperfect people.

And I’m their leader.

Two things hit home with me this morning during my quiet time.

The first is this:

Faith by its very nature must be tested and tried.  And the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God’s character must be proven trustworthy in our own minds.  –Oswald Chambers

This is what I was talking about yesterday.  I have recently found myself struggling with the trustworthy-ness of God by doubting that He really has things under control.  I confess to times when I have elbowed Him out of the way so that I can do life on my own.  The results are consistently lackluster.  Such ludicrous arrogance!

The second thing that touched my heart this morning is a lesson that I love to re-learn:

In John 6:1-15, we hear the account of Jesus feeding the thousands.  One of the reasons I especially appreciate John’s perspective of this story is because of verse 12b which says that, after feeding thousands of folks with one little boy’s lunch, Jesus commanded His disciples to gather up the leftovers so that nothing is wasted.  I believe that this sets such a beautiful example to us–not only for our physical resources like food and possessions–but also for our everyday lives.

God will waste nothing if we let Him use it–even our leftovers.  

I love that!  I can only imagine the joy that the little boy felt as Jesus fed thousands of people with his small, seemingly insignificant lunch just because He was willing to hand it over.  What if that little boy had held the lunch behind his back, insisting that it wasn’t enough?  He would have missed a miracle.  And, who was blessed by all of those leftovers?  I mean, how many mommas didn’t have to cook that night because Jesus sent them home with enough carry-out to feed their hungry crews on the walk home?

One lunch.  Thousands fed.  Leftovers valued.

Lord, I hand the leftovers of this day over to you.  I hand You the leftovers of myself–the aching head, the tense shoulders, the sore feet and the anguished heart.  After Your redeeming touch, may it be used to feed Your people for Your glory–especially the people with whom I am fortunate enough to live.  Thank You.

 

 

 

Momma Bear, Stand Down!

She picked on my kid!  I couldn’t believe it.  A real, live grown-up attempted to shame and humiliate my child in front of his teammates and a roomful of strangers.

And I wasn’t there to protect him.

Oh, I heard about it all right.  From my kids.  From other kids.  From other parents.  The whole world was indignant about the way my son was treated by this woman.

As the story was first being told to me by my son, I, quite frankly, suspected that the woman was justified in her frustration.  I know he can be impulsive.  Compulsive.  Stubborn.  I questioned him.  He assured me of his innocence, and continued his account.

She harped on him. She nagged at him. She belittled him and accused him.  She, almost a complete stranger to us and a woman in authority over my child, attempted to shame him in front of a roomful of people.  Then, when the practice was over, she pulled him aside and told him that it she did it for his own good.

What?!

Are you kidding me?!  I’ve played enough sports to know that there are all kinds of coaches.  The ones I most warmly remember are not the ones who repeatedly griped at me and attempted to publicly humiliate me.  No matter what kinds of results their tactics earned on the field, they did not earn respect in my heart.

So.  What does a momma do?  Well, I’ve been thinking about this.  The way I see it, I’ve got two options.  I can either ignore this situation and pretend it never happened OR this gal and I can have a smackdown.

Smackdown!!!

She obviously needs to be taken down a notch or two!  She needs to know what it feels like to be in a new situation and made to feel awkward and uncomfortable!  She needs to experience the same kind of shame and humiliation that she tried to impose on my son.  She needs to reap what she’s sown, get what she’s given, take what she’s dished out!  She was an adult, placed in a privileged position of authority over tender, impressionable children!  She had no right to do what she did!  She needs to pay for her actions!

Doesn’t that sound fun?

Actually, part of me feels this way.  There’s a momma bear in me that would love to go toe-to-toe with this woman.  What she did was wrong.  But, as my mother often said, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Let me tell you about my son’s reaction.  He was embarrassed, yes.  He was annoyed and frustrated.  He felt singled out and picked on and kind of confused as to why she was doing what she did.  But.  He did not feel shame.  He did not feel humiliation.  He was in a new situation and made some mistakes.  He did his best.  He took responsibility for his actions.   He knew that he had not done anything shameful and therefore refused to bear the burden of shame.

What a lesson there is for me in this!  Just like this woman made the choice to leave a legacy of shame to my son, he chose to not walk in it. The mistakes he made were not worth the debt he was asked to pay.

What legacy are you walking in today?  One of shame that someone else chose for you?  Or, maybe you chose it for yourself with one bad decision after another.  You feel that you’ve earned your shame by doing some shameful things, and you’ve determined to live up to your neck in it.

Sweet friend, there’s another option.  It is grace.  It is a path that starts at the feet of Jesus, and it is for every person, regardless of where we have been or what we have done.  It is a path of forgiveness and peace, and it is yours for the choosing.  Living our lives in shame is never for our own good.

If you ever want to know exactly what I’m talking about, just ask.  My heart would love to tell you more.

Hold the Dam!

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Early in my marriage, I underlined this gem from Proverbs 17 and wrote “TRISTA!!” out in the margin.  I confess that I was often more interested in making myself heard than in truly resolving conflict.  As a matter of fact, I often created conflict just to make my point.  Looking back now, I wonder what in the world I was thinking.

To be honest, I wasn’t thinking at all.  I was feeling.  I was feeling unheard, unjustified and unloved.  My emotions railroaded what my mind knew to be true.  My husband loved me.  He did not think I was a moron.  His most fervent wish was not to ruin my life.  In truth, he was not my enemy.

But, boy!  It sure felt like it at times!

Recently, that same husband (the most patient man in the world) and I were walking through a nearby high school to attend a seminar.  As is often the case, the halls were lined with encouraging pep talk-type signs for the athletic and academic teams.  One of them said, “Don’t Think.  Just Feel.”

Wow.  Really?

Is this what we’re teaching the next generation?  Don’t use your reasoning powers.  Don’t think through the situation.  Don’t examine your options and make an informed decision.

Just let your emotions call the shots.  If you’re mad, act on it.  If you’re hurt, act on it.  If you don’t get your way and life feels unfair, act on it.  Immediately.  Forget the consequences and act like a three-year-old.  Totally go with your feelings.

Like I said before:  Wow.

The fact of the matter is that feelings can be incredibly deceiving.  We all know this…if we actually think about it.  Healthy emotions can be a thermometer in our lives, but they can never be a thermostat.  In other words, emotions may reveal how the experiences of our lives are affecting us, but how we respond to said experiences should never be predominantly determined by our emotions.

People often say that, out of all of the things they could wish for in this life, they wish their kids to be happy.  It may sound strange, but I guess I don’t really want that for my crew.  I personally can be up and down from happy thirteen times in any given day.  I want my kids to have something much deeper and more lasting than happiness–the joy and peace that come from living for Jesus Christ in spite of our circumstances.  I want them to respond to their emotions with thoughtfulness and wisdom.  I want them to be able to discern what is true and what is not.  I want them to think more than feel.

When I relied so heavily on my emotions all those years ago, I essentially nullified my own voice.  My husband, who reasons better than he emotes, was so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of my feelings that he eventually kind of shut down.  I breached so many dams on the soapbox of my emotions that, no matter how valid some of my points were, he learned to tune me out.  Looking back, I think I probably sounded a lot like Charlie Brown’s teacher, “Wah, wah, wah, wah, wa-wah”.  Yeah, not what I had in mind.

When I finally started to reign it in and rule over my emotions, focusing on what was true and right, I had a steep hill to climb.  Not only did I have to re-train myself,  I had to re-train my husband.  It was my turn to be patient as I worked on re-building his trust in what I communicated to him.  It was a rough road.  And, the re-building took much, much longer than the breaching.  Yuck.  Maybe some of you have been there, too.

That same chapter in Proverbs tells us that he who covers over an offense promotes love.  In this life, I don’t want to be remembered as a dam-breacher.  As we’ve seen in the footage from hurricanes, a breached dam is a horrible tragedy with far-reaching consequences.  Instead, even if it means that I don’t feel like I’m heard, I want to leave the legacy of love.

 

 

Frostbite

We had a very heavy frost, possibly an actual freeze, a couple of days ago.  We lost both our sweet and sour cherry crops as well as most of our peaches, which is pretty sad for our family.  Fortunately, we had not yet planted much in our garden that would result in total crop failure.

Our potatoes sustained some frostbite, so I spent some time this morning cutting back the dead, damaged leaves so that the healthy parts of the plant can keep on growing.  We had mulched them pretty heavily the day before the forecasted frost, but we hadn’t completely covered everything.  Our broccoli plants and sugar snap pea seedlings still look a little rough, but I think they’ll rebound okay, too.

One of the things I respect about gardening is the reality that I am really not in control.  There are often certain things I can do to protect my various endeavors, but there is always an element that is completely beyond my grasp.  In my opinion, this is a healthy, humbling realization.  No matter what resources I have at my disposal and what energies I invest in all that I hope to accomplish, my ability to control every aspect is an illusion.  In order to have peace of mind, I’ve got to be okay with that.  I have to know when to keep working and when to let go.

Relationships have the same limitations.  We can only do what we can do.  Love.  Forgive.  Pray.  Repent.  Not every relationship is going to work perfectly.  Not every season is going to be an easy one.  At some point, we’ve got to be okay with that if we want to maintain peace of mind.  We can only do what we can do, and then we can ask God’s grace to cover over our mistakes.  That’s where the peace comes in.  We do what God calls us to do.  We work on the dead, damaged places in our own hearts, giving room for God to grow the healthy places into something living and productive.  We also have to allow for others to work on their own lives…or not.  We must relinquish the illusion of control.

I confess that this is a difficult concept for me–one that I struggle to learn time after time.  I can only do what I can do.  Love. Forgive. Pray. Repent.  Fortunately, if I shift my focus to these things, there is always more than enough to keep me well-occupied.

 

 

Reconciliation

I don’t know if anyone else struggles with this, but our family has occasional disagreements…constantly.  It really wears on me more than it does my husband, but I think it’s because I’m with the kids kind of all of the time.  Plus, I tend to take my children’s attitudes personally–like they’re a reflection of my parenting or something.  Which they can be, I guess, but I need to not be so emotionally involved in pretty much everything.

I’m working on it.

I understand that moodiness and argumentativeness are normal among teenagers–and among people in general.  I truly do get that.  However, I am also a firm believer in the fact that just because something is normal does not mean it’s acceptable.  So, there is this dance that I attempt to perform as a mother of older children.  It’s called the yes-I-get-that-you-feel-this-way-and-it’s-totally-normal-but-it-is-not-okay-for-you-to-say-and-do-whatever-you-feel-like-saying-and-doing-and-please-know-that-I-am-holding-myself-to-the-same-standard-or-you-would-be-at-the-end-of-the-driveway-with-a-Free-to-Good-Home-sign-around-your-neck dance.  It’s a tough step to master because the tune is always changing.  Plus, the music is just so loud.

I have been trying to communicate to my kids that there is freedom in treating others the way we would like to be treated and that Jesus should be the standard for our behavior and that we are only responsible for our own actions…but I don’t think they’re buying it.  And, to be honest, that whole concept is a hard sell for me on some days even though I have experienced its truth time after time.  I surely am a slow learner on some days.  (Lord, pleeeease help my kids learn Your truths more quickly than their mother did!)

Anyway, I ran across a quote from Rick Warren this morning that I have printed out and hung in our dining room.  He beautifully articulates the importance of right priorities.

“Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.  It is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything.  Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem.  When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often become irrelevant.”

I wish we lived in a world in which we saw every person as greater than any one of their opinions, preferences, personality traits or beliefs.  But we don’t.  We have begun to treat people as irrelevant while deeming certain issues as the most important thing.  This is a tragedy.

Lord, please help me to model the importance of loving Your people both inside and outside the walls of my home.  And, may my children come to understand the significance of right priorities in a way that proclaims Your Truth and shines Your Light even in the darkest of situations.